The Big Picture

I enjoy writing, and I've always enjoyed blogging as a wonderful creative outlet. I've always struggled with deciding what to share and what to withhold - after all, anyone anywhere can read my blog. With that said, I don't know who all of my readers are - but I suspect that a portion of them are family and close friends! Most of them probably realize that I only share a limited view into my life and my personality on the blog since they know me well, but other readers may not know this!

I've been reading many blogs for several years now, and I feel like I've gotten to 'know' so many other bloggers just by reading their content. I'm always a bit surprised when a blogger writes a post revealing an aspect of her life that I would have never guessed, based on her normal blog posts. I've encountered such posts in the form of confessions: about relationships coming to an end, unhappiness with a career/life change, or body image issues, to name a few. To me, these posts really humanize a blogger.

It's so easy to write about all the good things in your life, and it's really easy to make your life look good - after all, writing a blog is essentially writing a story detailing your life, or parts of your life. It's easy to choose fiction or non-fiction, and people will likely never know what's true and what is not! That's why, when a blogger opens up and shares a story that you know is very personal to her, as a reader, you can appreciate her (or his) honesty. 

Based on what I tend to write about , I bet readers of my blog must think I'm just a Starbucks-addicted, at-times sarcastic, fitness junkie who also enjoys cooking and shopping. And, yes, they would actually be right about those things - but what they don't know is that there is so much more to me than all of those things. I'm also a very sincere, deep-thinking dreamer, with a zest for life and working toward being the best wife, daughter, friend, and business professional that I can be. I have so many thoughts that I often want to share, but never do, because I don't know every single person who reads my blog. The reality is, I'm more 'nervous' about the people that I actually know reading these personal thoughts, than a stranger. Sounds crazy, but is it? I mean, it can be much more daunting to know that family & friends may judge you versus complete strangers. Not to say my friends & family personally are the judging type, but I imagine that some people in your life may be quick to judge - hey, we all know at least one! 

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I've felt compelled to be a bit more open about life and write more about reality instead of materialism and unemotional posts about fitness and recipes. I've been blogging for nearly 4 years, and my style has evolved over time. I don't have a specific niche, and that's fine by me. I don't want to ever feel confined to certain subjects - after all, I do live a very multi-dimensional life (as do most people, I'd like to think!). When I recently wrote about wanting to get back in the gym and change up my fitness routine, there was an underlying metaphor for another aspect of my life: I haven't been 100% myself lately, and getting back into my old fitness routine is just a small scratch at the surface of this concern. 

I'll just say, being married to my best friend has been the best thing for me during this stressful time. Admittedly, I strongly dislike the fact that I've been dealing with outside factors causing uneasiness and unhappiness during the first few months of our marriage. I've always heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but it's been the easiest thing I've done, and I mean that in the best of ways. Having a support system and someone to come home to at the end of a hard day is really the best form of therapy one can experience! I appreciate that, and my husband has done everything he can to make me smile over the few months, which I am so grateful for. The time that we spend together is always genuinely enjoyable, and I've been careful to not allow my situational unhappiness affect my relationship. 

I'm slowly but surely finding the zest for life that once shined bright through my personality, and I'm very optimistic about the road ahead! Sometimes reality hits you over the head, quite literally, when you least expect it. I've allowed myself to live in this foggy state of mind for a few months too many, and I'm determined to step outside and find clarity. It's really amazing how therapeutic writing can be - I already feel a weight off my shoulders after sharing my thoughts! I also realize that, despite my openness, I've still left a bit of vagueness in this post. I do plan to share more soon, so stick around!